Random jokes #2

Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Did I ever tell you the story about the broken pencil? It had no point.

I was reading a book about adhesive the other day. I just couldn't put it down.

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when it goes in the oven.

What's the difference between a duck?  An armchair because a vest has no sleeves.

Whats the difference between an Orange? A Helicopter because a motorbike doesn't have doors.

A blond was driving her car one day when "Party in the USA" came one the radio. She put her hands up; however, she realized she had to keep control of the car.  She put one hand back on the steering wheel and arrived to her destination safely.

When SCUBA diving, why is it important to fall backward off the side of the boat? Because if you fell forward, you would still be in the boat.

How do you stop an assassin? 
Kill their target.

What's sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac going over a cliff?
They were my friends. 

I told my doctor that I recently broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.